Live Blogging the Oscars from... The Couch

8:15
I hadn't really planned to do this, but after seeing Daniel Day Lewis' wife's dress without having anybody to scream at... Well, I shall scream at the world! WHAT is that thing between her breasts?!

John Travolta has a bad wig.

I LOVE Amy Adams.

Cameron Diaz tactfully dodges the "Is Daniel Day Lewis crazy?" question.

8:20
Ellen Page is charming, but she needs a new stylist. Unless she is attempting formal goth.
Hilary Swank is gorgeous - inside and out. BIG hands though.

8:25
Regis is annoying as he attempts to intimidate chorus kids.
Maybe Bill Conti will HIT Regis.

That was an annoying red carpet. But I guess they usually are.

8:30
starting! please be brilliant!

Jon Stewart looks pasty.
Ooooo! I do like a good Hillary jab!

What is Diablo Cody wearing?! I hope we get a FULL FIGURE!

Fun asteroids and politics joke. BAD Gaydolf Titler joke.

8:40
Jennifer Garner needs to get the hair out of her gorgeous face.
Costumer Designers can not dress themselves.

This Hybrid commercial PISSES me off! It is "Sisyphus", nominated for an Oscar in 1975.

George Clooney has a dull speech before a silly self-tribute.

Carrell said "shit"!! Woo hoo! Thank gawd they did not do the CUTE animated characters presenting animation.

Does Katherine Heigl know she's gorgeous? Pity she is being wasted on Best Makeup.
Hm. La Vie En Rose got something? Well, that's nice. Ironic, that a makeup designer is sort of... missing an eye?

ooooo! The Happy Working Song! Let's watch...!
If Amy Adams is actually singing LIVE, I am totally impressed! What a bitch of a song!

Dwayne Johnson, THE ROCK, is an Oscar presenter?!
Visual Effects goes to.... NOT Stardust! >:( But to four companies.

Cate Blanchett, always lovely, Art Direction goes to... SWEENEY?! WOO HOO!!!!
Why is the art director thanking Johnny Depp?

sigh. Another clip reel.

Jennifer Hudson looks like a pillow.
Hm. I've only seen ONE of the Best Supporting Actors. And the other four films do look tiresome. Javier Bardem is GREAT. Wish it were more of a surprise, though.

Did they bleep Javier in Spanish?

9:20
Oh dear. A joke clip reel? Jon's sort of dull...

Keri Russell looks 40 in that dress. Who saw AUGUST RUSH? My gawd that's a great little voice on the 11 year old!

Jon Stewart is forcing this.

Owen Wilson is allowed to present Live Action Short film, before he... >:)
Yep, as I guessed the cute French one won.

Oh dear. I LOATHE Animated presenters...
Animated Short goes to Peter and the WOlf?! And they're not even playing the MUSIC?! AND... they're bringing up the DOLL?! ohmigod.

hm. Another clip reel, though Ruth Gordon is always enjoyed.

I forgot that Alan Arkin won last year!
hm, I only saw ONE of these, too?! Hmmm... Tilda Swinton (?!) did NOT kiss her boy-toy?!

9:45
Jessica Alba hosted the Tech Awards?! In a bathing suit?

Josh Brolinnnnnnnn... An alarmingly large head, though. Babs is his step mom? >:)
Adapted Screenplay, which I've actually seen ALL FIVE!
The Coens, eh? Fine.

Oh gawd is it time for "the Academy Speech"? I wish I had snacks here.
Well at least it TRIED to be funny. I guess.

Why is Hanna Montana here? She scares me.

AH!! Kristen Chenowith!! Though I'd like to have seen Amy Adams do this too!
Cute. I hate CUTE. I could have sworn I saw one of the tuba players wink at someone.

10:00
Stupid pregnant joke.

Sound editing as presented by the writers of 40 Year Old Virgin, et al.
I don't really "get" sound editing, I guess... OR sound mixing for that matter...
I just tend to think that if it's animated the entire track was "created". But I LIKED the Bourne Ultimatum anyway.

Best Actress already? Seems early! Hmmm... It's just hauling along!
Hm. I only saw two of these. And, well, that's a bit of a SURPRISE! She looks incredible in it, but its so long... Sort of like her speech. She should have been helped off stage. I feel bad for Julie Christie.

10:20
The song from ONCE... :))) What an odd little film. A DULL first 20 minutes and I almost cried at the end. Love the song!

(Forty minutes to go and there are... 2 documentary awards, score, song, director, editing, actor and film to go.)

A Best Picture clip reel? Why?

Renee Z is offering up Film Editing, eh? ok.
HA!!! LOVE the picture of "Robert James" for NO COUNTRY...!
DAMMIT!! I wanted "Robert James" aka the Coens to win, just so they could play with the psuedonym. But, I liked the Bourne Ultimatum, which at this point has won the most Oscars this year!

OHMIGOD!! Nicole has Patty Duke Beads!!!
OHMIGOD!! What an OLD man! Phew!! They cut away before the Code Blue!

OHMIGOD!! Penn Gillette is on Dancing with the Stars?!! Woo hoo!

Foreign Language films, of which only two have actually screened, I think! I don't "get" the rules for this one. I saw BEAUFORT and that's all. I think it's the only one anyone has seen. Stupid nominating committee.

Patrick Dempseyawn. I just wish Amy Adams would sing this one too. Who is John McLaughlin? Looks like an Ice Capades rehearsal. He has an unfortunate vocal break.

Now, that should be ALL of the songs, yes? YES?!

Did I mention that I loathe Travolta's wig?
But ONCE got SONG?!! FABULOUS!!!

Bringing back the song writer?! That was really GRACIOUS!! FINALLY!! Maybe it'll make up for another clip reel...

11:00
Cameron Diaz looks like she's wearing a dress by Rami (Project Runway) and it does not please me. Cinematography! I forgot about that one! There are a LOT of these! Oh. There Will Be Blood. Fine. (DIVING BELL and BUTTERFLY is A R T!!!)

Ah! The March of the Dead! I suppose there'll be a standing o for Heath Ledger, who they left for the last BIG CHORD. ugh.

Amy Adams presenting score. Perky, but a bit ull. :(
I saw some of these, too. Though I do not remember Atonement's score as being of any note. HA!! I crack myself up!!

What's left...? Documentaries, Actor, Director, Film. Is that all??

What's Tom Hanks doing there? After pitching his fit about the "Gump" music intro a few years ago? Documentary shorts, huh? Oh this is sily, especially since nearly ALL the documentary features are ANTI Iraq! Maybe they're trying to make up for that...? Oh my. She is HAPPY to be there!I think she's gasping! I think she may die!! FREEHELD? Was that the one about the partner who was denied death benefits when her NYPD officer was killed.

Ok. Documentary Features. Let's see how they handle this. Ok! TAXI... the US Torture doc! I'm bracing myself. (TAXI's poster isn't even allowed in some theaters!) Well, THAT was a nice, pithy speech!!

11:20
I'm drifing off to the dolcent tones of Harrison Ford.... zzzzz... zzzz...
Oh. My Gawd!! We get to see THE DRESS!! I'm not sure WHO I thought would win this, but NOT JUNO. So, Diablo Cody used to be a pole dancer? Can you tell? But it was a sweet little speech.

Are coming up to Best Actor?! I don't suppose there will be a SURPRISE and Depp will win?? There is something about Mirren's dress that I think I LOVE.
Oh WHY do they show Daniel Day Lewis SCREAMING at me?? Oh. That's what eh ALWAYS does!! Oh no. Daniel Day Lewis has been vindicated for SCREAMING at me. Again. Oh, my, he has a SPEECH prepared. I would like to simply thank... la la la la la. I just thin he is the Rod Steiger of our generation.

What's left? Director and film? Is that IT?!

11:40
Director, eh? I wonder who is going to present...
Oh, Scorsese, eh? That's nice. You will hear me scream if it is Schnabel!
But it is the Coens. So, that pretty well seals that deal for picture, unless they decide to split it again this year.

And Denzel gets to award best picture? He seems sort of a dull choice for that. Oh, that's right! They underscore this with a DRUM ROLL!! NO COUNTRY... Well. Ok. I guess. Scott Rudin is annoying... But Frances McDormand is genuinely sweet!

Boom! 11:48 and it's done! Not TOO overtime...